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A Farewell To Alarms

Ben begrudgingly buys the cheapest alarm system when Susan starts to worry about the crime rate. Nick becomes a stripper.

Transmitted on: Tuesday 17th October 2000


Episode Summary

Brigitte decides that Bens surgery needs rearranging, as his "chi" is in a very bad place. Ben disagrees and tells Brigitte to put everything back exactly how it was, including the dental chair even in it means losing a few patients.

Ben returns home to Susan who is about to prepare one of her ‘special’ dinners. Susan is concerned about the crime rate and Nick interrupts and obviously wants something. Nick asks to borrow money to buy a car, he says he can’t get a job without being able to drive around. Ben gives him 70p for a bus fare. Much to Bens horror when the doorbell rings its Brigitte who arrives to give them large blue stones suggesting that placing them outside the front door might stop Bens’ negative flow. Susan suggests they may need an entire wall, so Brigitte decides to bring more from the van, while she goes out Nick tells Ben he likes her and Ben says not to even think about it. Brigitte returns and her 1974 psychadelic van has been stolen. Susan is now even more worried about the rising crime rate, and Nick decides to become a stipper.Nick Naked. He has also made a list of proper jobs, such as contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Susan brings up crime rate facts, and has bribed Michael with all the details. She now definately wants an alarm, but Ben doesn’t.

Ben goes to work in a bad mood to be told that Brigitte has found her van, it was where she left it. Ben tells Susan that night in bed that Brigittes van was there all along, so the crime rate isn’t so bad after all and they don’t need an alarm.

Susan insists they do, and then they hear a noise downstairs. Ben goes to investigate and finds out that Nick has sublet his room to Brian. Nick is told he is not allowed to be a landlord as he has no land to lord, not even the toolshed. Susan has arranged for an alarm specialist to call to give an estimate. Mitch decides there are 25 places of entry and recommends the most expensive policy. Ben says they will take the cheap one. The family discuss the new alarm system, Michael understands where all the beams go better than anyone. They have to think of a code for it. 3/5/9/6 and no one asks Ben, he says 7. The alarm system is linked to the police station. That night, the alarm went off three times. Everyone is becoming very tired. Ben arrives the next day at the surgery and decides to take a nap. When the phone rings its Janey who can’t remember the code, Michael has locked her out. Ben orders Michael to let her in and Nick calls wanting to borrow a thong. He is so exasperated that when the police ring he has already told Brigitte to say he’s not in. The police arrive to say they have had complaints from the neighbours.

Nick as a PC is rehearsing his strip act with three girls, once they realise it is a strip act, they walk out. The alarm goes off again, and the policeman arrives at the door, he decides to let Ben off when he sees Nick dressed in his policemans outfit but when he notices there is no bottom in the costume he takes Bens name.

That night, Ben has left the alarm off and Susan tells him to go and turn it on, He activates it and we see a mission impossible sequence, where he tries to get upstairs without the alarm going off.

The next morning, Susan is on the phone to the alarm people, everyone is exhausted and Ben is very cross. He rips it off the wall just as Susan is trying to tell him they will give them a full refund. Ben asks for the manual?


Character Played by
Ben Harper Robert Lindsay
Susan Harper Zoe Wanamaker
Nick Harper Kris Marshall
Janey Harper Daniela Denby-Ashe
Michael Harper Gabriel Thompson
Brigitte Daisy Donovan
Mitch Nick Stringer
Police Officer Roger Sloman
Layabout Karl Glenn
Girl Rebeeca Ashford


Role Name
Director Baz Taylor
Producer John Bartlett
Writer Steve Armogida
Writer Jim Armogida
Executive Producer Fred Barron
Executive Producer Don Taffner

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