Episodes

Series 1

Series 2

Series 3

Series 4

Series 5

Series 6

Series 7

Series 8

Series 9

Series 10

Series 11

The Mummy Returns

Janey comes back home from University and Susan lies to the police.

Transmitted on: Friday 19th March 2004

Episode Summary

Ben is reading his Tom Clancy novel, while Susan is banging the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together. Susan complains that it is too quiet. Ben is pleased that Janey is at uni, Nick’s got his own flat, Michael is near-normal, and Abi’s always out at an evening class.
Ben enters the kitchen to find a car engine in pieces on the kitchen table. Abi has started car maintenance classes. It turns out she is experimenting with Ben’s car. Susan suggests that maybe car maintenance wasn’t the best choice for Abi. Abi agrees and leaves the engine in parts as her car fixing days are over. Ben asks Michael for his help to shift the car engine. Michael says he can’t as it is Sunday and he has found religion. He has been born again which means there will be no more selfishness or sin, only bible study and silent contemplation.
Janey arrives with baby Kenzo, she has dropped out of university and is moving back in. 3 burly men carry all of Janey’s possessions in.
Ben and Susan are in bed. Susan is concerned about why Janey left Manchester. She thinks there may be a man involved. Ben suggests that maybe she just dropped out. Susan says that it is up to Ben to question Janey, as she never tells Susan anything. With any luck the man in Janey’s life (if indeed there is one) may prove to be serious and Ben’s days of supporting Janey may be coming to an end!

Janey’s cooking breakfast. Ben tries questioning Janey, she tells him to butt out. Michael insists on them saying grace before tucking into breakfast. Michael tells Ben that he is going to hell as he is not taking Michael’s religion seriously. Susan tries questioning Janey after Ben’s feeble attempt. Susan has much more success, Ben masterfully tells Janey to either get married or go back to uni.

Abi tells Ben that she has found a new class to go to, naturism. Ben doesn’t put Abi right, and let’s her believe it’s about trees and birds! He didn’t tell her because he wants revenge for dismantling his car. Michael and his religious friend Hubert tell Ben they are going to save him. But that he’s already going to Hell. Ben picks up his book to read only to find that Michael has hidden the Bible in the dust cover.

The Manchester police arrive on the doorstep looking for Janey. Susan lies to them telling them they haven’t seen Janey for 14months and that she doesn’t live there anymore.
Ben and Susan are in bed discussing why Janey may be wanted by the police. Ben is now forced into reading Joanna Trollope as Michael has hidden his Tom Clancy. It suddenly dawns on Susan that Janey may be in real trouble and that she has lied to the police.

Abi tells Ben that she enjoyed her first naturist meeting and that she is going on a picnic with them. Janey returns with lots of shopping. Susan asks her if she paid for the clothes, she hasn’t, she put them on Ben’s credit card. Susan tells her that the police are looking for her. Janey panics, and Susan becomes more concerned she has lied to the police. Ben is fine with the police situation because it in not affecting him.

In bed Susan is worried about her lying to the police. She’s worried that her and Janey might end up in prison together. Ben is now reduced to trying to read one of Kenzo’s books.
Michael asks Janey why the police are after her. He tells her he knows that she didn’t drop out she was kicked out of uni. He phoned her tutor. He won’t tell Ben & Susan if Janey attends one of his bible classes.

Susan finds Abi and two of her naturist friends on the sofa having tea. George is a solicitor and Sandra works for the Citizen’s Advice Bureau. After Susan recovers from the shock of seeing naked strangers in her living room, she asks for George’s advice about her lying to the police.
Ben arrives home to find Michael holding a bible group session in the kitchen, where they are happily singing ‘Give me oil in my lamp’, he interrupts them and asks why Michael can’t be a normal kid by getting drunk and coming home with a tattoo. He orders them out. Ben heads for the lounge for a breath of sanity, after the madness in the kitchen and is confronted by Abi’s new friends. He heads for the pub and while in there bumps into a vicar. The vicar is just as miserable as Ben who persists in telling him all his problems. The vicar tells Ben that he finds the answer is in drink.

Ben returns home elated, and tells Susan he met a guy in the pub who was just as miserable as him and he didn’t even have kids! He decides to turn over a new leaf and to not let the kids get him down, Susan thinks that the man in the pub may have given him something other than drink to make him think this way.
Ben’s tries out his new image the next morning and tells Janey that Kenzo and her can stay as long as she likes in the house. Janey is touched for a moment, then says that there’s no way she would ever do that. She has instead found a flat nearby so she won’t have to be interrogated by Susan and Ben, and can be close enough to bring Kenzo over for them to baby sit! She then tells Ben she need’s a deposit and the first month’s rent in advance. Ben flips at this, and says that he’s not going to be Mr Pretending-to-be-nice-guy, things couldn’t get any worse in his eyes, Michael enters saying the police have arrived.
Susan says that she will handle it, and heads into the living room to meet them. The police know that Janey has been to the house, and they still need to speak to her. Susan gives in and tells them she’s in the kitchen. Janey bursts in and tells the policeman (Gareth) that she doesn’t want to see him, it turns out the policeman is an ex-boyfriend and still wants to make a go of their relationship. Janey tells him that it just wasn’t the same after he was promoted to plain clothes. Gareth leaves, distraught. But the accompanying policeman tries his luck with Janey in his uniform, till Gareth calls for him to follow.
Ben is upset that Janey has dumped the policeman, as he must be earning a good amount. Susan asks why she didn’t tell them in the first place, Janey says that they would never have covered up for her if they knew the truth. Ben isn’t going to fall for this, but Susan does and forgives Janey

Cast

Character Played by
Ben Harper Robert Lindsay
Susan Harper Zoe Wanamaker
Janey Harper Daniela Denby-Ashe
Michael Harper Gabriel Thompson
Abi Harper Siobhan Hayes
George Colin Procktor
Sandra Jiggy Bhore
Vicar John Hodgkinson
Gareth Peter Ferdinando
Hubert Alex Dawson
Spencer Renton Skinner
Baby Kenzo Thomas & Noah Davis

Team

Role Name
Director Dewi Humphreys
Producer John Bartlett
Writer James Hendrie
Writer Ian Brown
Executive Producer Don Taffner
Executive Producer James Hendrie
Executive Producer Ian Brown

Add a comment